How I Manage Stress
One of the reasons I blog is so that readers can see how I use the mental skills I teach to improve my daily life. I teach this stuff because it has markedly improved how I feel and helped fuel the habits that I use to live a happier, healthier life. The truth is that no matter how good life may seem, or how much success we have, we all struggle. We all get stressed out, we all deal with conflict, we all feel neglected, we all worry about the future. One of the keys to life I think is moving forward in spite of these negative emotions; knowing they are temporary and not allowing them to fuel either inaction or destructive behaviors. Here are some things I’ve found particularly helpful when I am feeling stressed, demotivated (procrastination or “want to curl up in a ball and hide”) or generally upset.
1) Label the emotion: Putting a name on an emotion is a reminder that it is just a feeling. The emotions I feel are sometimes so intense that I can’t think straight. It may sound silly, but saying out loud or in my head “this is anger”, for example, turns the volume down on the emotion a bit. It is a reminder that it is a response to a thought, that it’s temporary (emotions tend to get less intense over time), and that it’s fallible (new information can quickly change emotional responses). Sometimes turning the volume down a little is just enough to process something in a healthier way; ie. giving you enough self-control to hold off on shooting off a text or email at someone you’re upset with at the time.
2) Remind myself stress can be good: There is really compelling research out of Stanford University that shows that our framing of stress predicts health outcomes. Basically, people who think stress if helpful live longer than those who think stress is harmful. Furthermore, there are studies showing bouts of stress can improve brain plasticity (learning) and memory, while the cortisol and adrenaline that comes with a stress response can help temporarily boost your pain tolerance and energy. The key though is framing it correctly; when you think stress is bad, your thoughts quickly spiral and suddenly a positive stress response to a performance demand becomes crippling anxiety. Before big presentations or races, when I feel the nerves really start to build, I tell myself “this stress is here to help.” It is a reminder that helps me stay calm enough to bottle the emotional response while still controlling the intensity just enough that it boosts my focus and mental acuity, instead of overwhelming me with fear.
3) Move my body: Some people are more prone to anxiety than others. I know plenty of people who naturally let things roll off their shoulders. That isn’t something that comes naturally to me. The anxiety has its upsides and downsides. I feel I am pretty much always on top of things, because I am constantly thinking ahead, considering what hasn’t been done, or what potential threats might be in front of me. Of course, that means I am pretty constantly in state of moderate panic at all times, which I don’t love. I have found though that anxiety is as much physical as it is mental. It builds up in your body, and moving is a form of release. For the athletes reading this, you probably are doing a lot of movement in your sport already, but I think there are still some things you can take away. For one, having movement be a part of your pre-competition routine can help support your anxiety management. Maybe it means taking a short walk, or doing a structured dynamic warm-up or stretching routine. There is a reason we pace up and down when we are ruminating on something - the movement is a form of release. There are a lot of former or soon-to-be former athletes out there too. When you stop your sport, often your relationship with exercise has some negative connotations, because it has basically been your job for the past 10-20 years. Exercise is so important for our physical and mental health, however. For all of you retiring athletes, take a break from your sport, but find some other form of physical activity you enjoy. It will help you manage your stress and you may even fall in love with something new all over again.
4) Journal: When I journal, I mostly do a stream of consciousness. It doesn’t need to make sense, it isn’t particularly legible, and honestly, it is probably the worst of my personality. I wouldn’t share what I write in it with anyone; there is a lot of negativity and pain in my journal. I really think we need that outlet. The alternative is either suppressing negative emotions - which only builds pressure until an inevitable explosion - or ruminating on them, which quickly grows into anxiety, anger, or a host of any other undesirable emotions. We all have a Shadow. Carl Jung first posited that there is part of our psyche that houses our deepest insecurities that we wish not to acknowledge. Like anything we suppress, the harder we fight to keep it down, the more it rises up. One really important element of confidence is embracing our Shadow, so we can work on our weaknesses, and act in spite of fear. A journal is a great place to have a dialogue with our Shadow. There we can safely acknowledge the things we are afraid of, insecure about, or even hate about ourselves without fear of judgement. Once written down, you can leave them there, never to be considered again, or you can integrate elements of your feelings in a positive way to grow as a person. Some days, I just need to get the feelings out. It helps to have an outlet. Other days, the written thoughts allow me to process my feelings a little more objectively, and maybe see things from a different perspective, or sometimes simply accept that it is ok that things aren’t awesome right now, but they can be better tomorrow.